Dear Lola,
My teenage son has been driving his dad and I crazy with his food delivery habits. He has a weekly allowance and we had hoped he would make reasonably good decisions on how to spend his money. We were surprised to learn that he uses his allowance almost exclusively to order food delivery to our door. I’ve repeatedly explained to him that driving to pick up his food would be cheaper but he argues that the gas for his car would cost just as much. No amount of discussion has made him realize that the delivery fees, plus the tip, are well over the cost of gas for his car which we fill up weekly. We switched tactics and pointed out he routinely goes on a tirade when the food arrives because it is cold or the order is wrong. My husband and I pointed out that he wouldn’t have that problem if he picked up the food himself. He does not care and we continue to listen to his food complaints at least twice a week. We finally hit the boiling point this past week.
My son approached the dinner table and announced he didn’t want to eat the spaghetti I had made for the family. Unbeknownst to me, my son ordered a meal from a nearby restaurant. When the doorbell rang I found a delivery of Chinese food pushed in my face. My son then sat in front of the entire family and ate his takeout. His dad and I were very upset as our younger children started whining about having takeout for dinner as well. We scolded our son and pointed out that it is extremely rude and selfish to order food and eat it in front of others. He said it’s not selfish because it is his money and we had our own meals.
Is it unreasonable for a teenager to spend every dime of his allowance on food deliveries? I am worried he is developing an unhealthy expectation of how to provide for himself as an adult, as well as becoming physically unhealthy from a continual diet of fast food. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Squandered Stipend
Dear Squandered Stipend,
Ahhhh, the classic tale as old as time — a Miniature Human acting in an immature manner. Driving his ParentBeast insane is just a side benefit that only amplifies the immature behavior to an eleven. Your Mini Human is getting stronger with each corrective tactic deployed that he successfully dodges. Based on my current scorekeeping tally, this game is at Miniature Human 3 and ParentBeast 0. You cannot afford to lose another round or your entire household is likely to crumble into the ocean like a glacier in the arctic sea and be lost forever.
Pardon my dramatic statement, I watched a documentary this week and it stuck with me.
While your situation may not be as dire as the ice caps melting and killing a large portion of humanity in the subsequent flooding, you do have a bit of a catastrophe to tackle. First you tried to reason with your Miniature Human about the responsibleness of paying fees instead of driving. Then you tried to rationalize his behavior when there was a problem with the order and the following tantrums. Finally, you made a last ditch attempt to shame him out of his shocking and selfish table etiquette — he argued that it is his money and he can do what he wants with it.
That is the stick that we will use to beat this bush to death.
Before I continue on, I feel it necessary to point out that the stick is metaphorical and no bushes will be harmed in the process of solving this problem. Your Miniature Human’s confidence is another story. It may be dented just a bit as he learns a lesson that the rest of polite society will thank you for teaching him.
You need to cut his allowance back — way, way back. Bare bones back!
The fact that he has enough money to eat out multiple times each week is absurd. Either you are giving him way too much money for someone his age to manage, or he is not using his allowance on any of the items that is typically used for. Who pays the bills for his car? How about the cell phone bill? Gaming consoles and video games? Cool clothing outside of the normal wardrobe? Bookstore purchases? Movies with his friends? Karaoke on a Saturday night?! All of these things were typically paid for with an allowance as a way to teach proper responsibility and money management. It seems you gave him a hefty allowance as well as everything else his heart desires.
Which leaves him with nothing to buy but Taco Bell.
While the budget cutbacks should solve the health worry by reducing the number of fast food meals, you may find your Miniature Human gives up other things to acquire more food. You must put some limits on this fast food problem like you did when your Miniature Human wanted to eat ice cream or cookies for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He didn’t get his way when he was four and he shouldn’t get his way now. Put a limit on the number of times he can order in a month to set good habits in place.
Lower that number every time your Miniature Human unleashes a tirade over cold food or order errors.
No one should have to listen to a tantrum over and over when the person throwing that tantrum refuses to correct the problem. We’re trying to have a society here and we’d like your Miniature Human to positively contribute! Which leads us to the final and most irritating problem. Rudeness and selfishness do not get you social invites and both were displayed at the family dinner table. Your Miniature Human seems to think his money entitles him to treat people in any manner he chooses. He paid, so he can eat what he likes, your feelings be damned!
That’s all fine and dandy until you are the poorest in the room.
Which your Miniature Human is — his allowance is a pittance compared to the family income and it is time he learned that. When dinner is served, the family eats the dinner that is cooked. If certain family members do not want to eat that meal, they can declare it beforehand so a suitable solution can be worked out. What that means will be decided by your family. Some families offer a second dish which is cooked by those who oppose the original idea. Some families switch dishes entirely. Another idea is to serve a small portion to the plate so that the Miniature Human learns that etiquette dictates taking polite bites and then foraging for food once the dinner is over. Every human has left a dinner party or event and hit the drive through on the way home.
What they don’t do is order takeout to the wedding and eat it in front of the bride and groom.
♥Lola♥
Lola wants to hear from you. Send in your questions today by clicking the link in the menu at the top of the page. You can also reach Lola at any of my social media channels.
Shank You Very Much 